Spongebob's Rant
by ReesieReese
Summary: Spongebob learns that he is going to be taken off the air... and he is not happy. Rated for the 'H' and 'A' word.DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Okay, so I was watching Spongebob one morning and I thought 'OMG, what if they cancel him?' Then, I thought about all the other good shows they canceled to make room for the sucky shows. So, in a few minutes, viola! I made this fic. As the summary says, Spongebob gets mad at the fact he gets canceled and makes fun of other Nickelodeon shows, except for the really good ones. Spongebob gets a little OC, but you can understand where he's coming from._

_On wit da story!_

**Spongebob's Rant**

What the heck is wrong with those people? How can they cancel me? Spongebob Squarepants? I've entertained children all over the world and I even have my own movie! And yet, they're still canceling me! You know what, I think I know why. It's probably because Nickelodeon wants to put on another sucky show. They already have a lot of sucky shows on here! In fact, let me prove my point.

My first point: Catscratch. What the hell is this show doing on the air! It's stupid! All it shows are a bunch of cats running around trying to get some beer! In truth, they're really trying to get some liquor! They just don't show that 'cause it would break the little kids' hearts! Another thing, Gordon and Kimberly. **How the hell is a grown cat gonna fall in love with a little kid?** Do you see the wrongness in that situation? First of all, Gordon is a grown cat. Kimberly is a little human kid.  She doesn't even have all of her grown-up teeth yet! Now, if she was a kitten, it still would've been wrong, but at least it would've been able to work! I don't even think I need to explain any of this anymore.

My second point: My Life As a Teenage Robot. Okay, so this show follows a teenage girl as she experiences High School Drama and saving the world. But here's the thing: She's a robot! First of all, they didn't even have to make her a robot. They could've kept her as a regular teen age girl, but of course, the producers knew that that type of thing has been done millions of times. Second of all, she rusts. Yes, I know, she's a robot, but this is a cartoon! How can you tell me that her mom can invent weapons that shoot out of her eyelids, but she can't invent a metal that won't rust? Third of all, her mom still won't call her by the name 'Jenny.' She's told her over and over again, but her mom still says 'XJ9.' Hey, robots have feelings too ya know! They deserve to have names like 'Jenny' instead of 'XJ9.'

My third point: The X's. This idea has been done **so many times **that it isn't even funny. Have you seen 'Spy Kids'? Have you seen 'The Incredibles'? If you were to mix those two shows together, you'd get 'The X's.' The bad thing is, it looks like this family is stupid, but their stupidity doesn't make any sense! They can have space battles, fly a super-cool jet, invent technology gadgets, and do kung-fu moves, hell, they can even add 'two plus two', but yet they can't figure out how to work a washing machine! And Mr. X, he doesn't even know how to replace a light bulb. My friend Patrick is the stupidest guy here in Bikini Bottom, and even he knows how to replace a light bulb! And to make it worse, you know why they can't do all those things. It's because they make their house do all the work for them. It's not fair for the house! He gets beat up every day, but yet he still has to wash their clothes and do the dishes? As my friend Sandy says, 'That's not right ya'll.'

My fourth point: All Grown Up. This show shows the rugrats when they become teens. I liked the guys better as babies. I mean, Angelica isn't as mean as she used to be. Back then, when she was three or however old she was, Angelica didn't take no crap from anybody. Now, she wants to be liked by this popular girl? I want the old Angelica back! Chucky, well, he can't keep a secret. Did you see how he blew Tommy's birthday surprise? I wonder if he told any other secrets. The only thing I like about Chucky now, is that he isn't as much as a scaredy cat anymore. He tries new things now, and that's a start. Another thing, Suzie and Angelica are now best friends. One word: how? They used to argue pretty much all of the time, and now here they are acting nice? The least they could've done was show us how they became friends!

My fifth point: Jimmy Neutron. He's supposed to be a boy genius, but in every episode, something goes wrong with his inventions. How can a boy with a head so big, not know how to make an invention with no mess ups? It's probably because of his parents. His mom is smart, but his father is a dumb-ass. Why would his mother want to marry a stupid guy? They do say that love is blind, but I never knew that it would get this blind.

My sixth point: Danny Phantom. Actually, I used to like this guy, but he tried to steal my girlfriend, so… pretty much, we're enemies. I can't find anything wrong with it except this: Sam and Danny. I have only one thing to say to that: WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE ALREADY! YOU KNOW YOU GUYS LIKE EACH OTHER!

Those are all the cartoons that suck. But you know, there are some good cartoons. I mean, you've got 'Avatar: The Last Airbender' and 'All That'. The cast of 'All That' isn't as funny as the old cast, but they still get the job done.

So, I guess I'll be packing my bags now. I'll be joining 'The Angry Beavers', 'Invader Zim', 'Ahhh! Real Monsters', 'Rocko's Modern Life,' and other canceled cartoons. Man, I sure will miss Nickelodeon…

Wait, hold up… I've got a message… they've changed their minds! I won't be canceled! That's right! You can never cancel Spongebob! Now, it's time for me to head off to work. I'M READY!

**End**

_So, that's it. Please note that this wasn't meant to be taken seriously. Flames are welcome because of the fact that some people love some of the shows up here…_

_R&R pleez! Flames welcome!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Heh, well… I WAS going to leave this story as a one chapter thing, but… people seemed to like this story… and I got more ideas… so… I CONTINUED THIS STORY!_

_Okay, so this chappie is mainly about Spongebob ranting because of how the producers made his character. I AM NOT BASHING HOW SPONGEBOB'S PERSONALITY IS. I just wondered what Spongebob thought about his character. So please, don't take it seriously… _

_Thanks to all the reviewers (JN Hardy, Bladequeen2000, Mkfreak2, ActionGal07, and Spongewolf) for reviewing! I didn't think I'd get reviews in three days…_

_And now, on wit da story!_

**Spongebob's Rant**

Okay, as much as I love myself, and let me tell you, I DO love myself… I look at myself every day in the mirror… I sometimes wish I the producers hadn't made me the way I was. I mean… just lemme prove my point…

First Point: No strength. Have you guys ever seen "ripped pants"? I couldn't lift any of those weights! I was weak! I mean, I couldn't even lift the damn stuffed animals! You know, when that guy gave me his marshmallows on a stick, I thought 'Okay, this'll be easy to lift.' You know what? I EMVARRASED MYSLEF BY FAILING TO LIFT THAT IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE! On top of that, I ripped my pants! I didn't want people to see my tidy-whiteys! I keep telling everyone that I wear boxers! Besides… they had to wrong day on them… You see, it was Saturday and my underwear said 'Monday…' Hey! You try keeping up with your underwear when YOUR boss is a cheapskate crab!

Second point: I'm a wimp. You ever seen "Spongebob Scaredy pants"? Now why would they make me jump at every little thing? Do you know what happens to me when I decide to go out the house? Those crazy kids toilet paper my house! Some of the toilet paper isn't clean! I mean… they already wiped their asses on that toilet paper, and they throw it on my house! I used to get Patrick to clean it off, but he soon caught on to what the yellow streaks and brown globs on the toilet paper were and stopped cleaning it for me. The good thing is, I scared the hell outta everybody at the end of the episode. Ha, you should've seen what I did to those kids… they're probably scarred for life…

Third Point: Gayness. Have you heard what those people have said on the news? They said that I was gay! I AM NOT GAY! I am NOT in love with Patrick, and he is NOT in love with me! The only reason they think I'm gay is because the producers don't put any girl sponges on the show! THEY NEED TO PUT GIRL SPONGES ON THE SHOW! I mean, I'm kinda gettin' lonely in that Pineapple. Even Gary has a girlfriend… why can't I have one? It's not fair… (Sniffle)

Fourth point: I brush my eyes. You ever seen "The Spongebob Movie"? I brushed my eyes in that movie! It may be funny to you guys, but that stuff hurts!

Fifth point: I want Squidward to be my friend. I so totally DO NOT want Squidward to be my friend! Do you hear that guy's clarinet? Do you hear that guy's corny jokes? It's a wonder they haven't kicked him off the show! You should've seen it when he tried to hit on Sandy… he used the corniest pick-up line ever…

And that's about it. Maybe in the future, I'll get a character update.

**End**

_So, that's it? What did ya think? Reviews are appreciated. _

_R&R pleez! And one more time…_

**I AM NOT BASHING SPONGEBOB'S CHARACTER! **


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Hi you guys… I'm back! In this chappie, Spongebob shall be making fun of all the nick jr. shows…  
Please remember that this story is not to be taken seriously, and if I get flames, I want smart flames. Stupid flames will be laughed at._

_On wit da story!_

**Spongebob's Rant**

I don't get it! How come I'm not shown more on TV? I'll tell you why! It's because of those nick jr. shows! Do little kids nowadays even know what they're watching? I mean… when we were little, we probably used to watch those shows, but now, we know what those shows REALLY show us. In face, I think I'll prove my point for the millionth time…

My first point: Lazy town. Three words; what… the… hell? It shows some superhero guys in tights that are WAY too tight! I mean, you can see the bulge in his pants! And you know why that bulge is there too! It's because of Stephanie, the pink-haired girl with the dress that is too short. That's just wrong! It has a romance between a grown man and an eight year old (or however old she is) girl! And do you see the way Pixel looks at her? That man knows that Pixel likes her, and he's still flirting! If you were to look at what happens after Lazy town goes off, you would've saw Sportacus trying to get Stephanie in his airship! I bet you know what he was saying too: "Come on Stephanie… I've got some apples in my airship…" And Robbie Rotten. What type of villain is he? He's trying to get the kids to eat candy. I see a million things wrong with that picture. Parents, ask yourselves this: what would you do if some strange man was trying to feed your kids candy? I have only one more comment, and it's about Sportacus: do we wanna have to explain to little kids what that bulge in his tights is? That'll just scar them for life. I know it scarred Patrick…

My second point: Dora the Explorer. This show is amazingly annoying. You know how when she asks you a question, and you don't answer back, but she STILL says "great?" I mean, it's like, "Can you say _'azul'? _And you say "no", and she says, "Great!" That's annoying! And another thing; Swiper the fox. How the hell are you supposed to stop the fox from swiping stuff with words? You just can't say "Swiper, no swiping" and have him give up! And when he's in trouble, even after he's stolen all their things, Dora and Boots help him! Forget him! If that were me, I would've left his stealing ass! And they've got movies out with Dora too? This will not end well.

My third point: Go Diego Go. This shows a little boy running around and saving animals. Here's the thing though; he has a baby jaguar help him? Lemme ask you something: what's he gonna do when the baby jaguar grows up, huh? Is he gonna keep him around then? I have an idea; they should show an episode where he has to rescue an alligator baby. Or better yet, a shark baby. Let's see him get out of that rescue mission. And another thing; he and his sister live in that animal shelter thing; ALONE. Ya'll can see what I'm implying, right?

My fourth point: Blues Clues. I only have one main thing to say about this. They keep telling us that Blue is a girl. Well, I heard Blue talk, and she doesn't sound like a girl! Get your genders straight people!

My fifth point: The Backyardigans. Actually, I kinda like this show… but why do they have to sing a song every five minutes? I mean, in that Viking episode, they were about to drown in a whirlpool. What do they do? They sing about it! If I was about to drown in a whirlpool, I wouldn't be singing! I'd be trying to think of a way to get the hell outta there! Why do they have to sing every five minutes? I mean, it's like "Oh my gosh, we're about to get kidnapped by a mummy!" and the next thing you know, they're singing. "Mummies, mummies, they're scary as can be!" Or whatever they sing! I have two words for you guys: Shut up!

You know what they should do? They should make another channel and put all of those channels on there! Then we wouldn't have to be bothered with all that Nick. Jr. crap!

**End**

_That's it. Another day, another chappie. Reviews are appreciated so… be sure to leave one on your way out._

_R&R pleez!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Hey… I'm back! Sorry for the wait… my computer crashed down, and I was recovering some files…  
By popular demand, I'm going to do a rant on Cartoon Network and Disney. It was easy to think of stuff for Disney, but… boy, was it hard to think of stuff for Cartoon Network._

_On wit da story!_

**Spongebob's Rant**

Okay, so as you all know… there are three major cartoon channels. PBS Kids does not count, because nobody likes that channel anyway. Plus, they always beg you for money… but that's not until another time. The point is, there are three major cartoon channels; Nickelodeon (the one I'm in), Cartoon Network (the one they canceled Teen Titans in) and Disney channel (The one where they always show these old movies and come out with new sucky ones every month.)

Sigh… where to begin… Disney channel does seem like the easiest one to make fun of, so…

Here we go!

My main point of making fun of this channel: Phil of the Future. This show is about a boy and his family who gets transported to the year 2005 or whatever, and can't get back. First of all, how can you tell me that they're from the future, but yet they don't have some gadget that can automatically fix their time-traveling RV? And have ya'll seen that episode where his parents get a ticket? How are they just gonna tell the police that they've been drinking, get a ticket, and think that the officer gave them tickets to some ballet (or whatever it was… I haven't watched that show in a LOOONG time after that episode…)! You'd think that since they were from the future, they would've studied this year already! And you already know that Phil like Kelly! (Spell check won't let me spell the name correctly…) And we all know how Disney has a habit of making movies of its TV shows. I can already see it… Phil of the Future: The movie. What's the plot? Phil finally realizes his love for Kelly… I mean, hey! They already made a movie like that with Kim Possible!

Speaking of Kim Possible…

Second Point: Kim Possible. All right. This girl can do anything (except for cook and pass her driver's test). She goes out and saves the world with her best friend Ron, and still manages to maintain her spot as captain on the cheerleading team. Okay. (Long and impending silence.) You know… there's nothing I can say about this actually. I don't blame Kim for this… I blame her parents! How can parents just watch as their kid goes off to save the world and probably get blown up by psychos! Sure, she a professional and stuff, but… the whole getting blown up by psychos? Yeah… that's discouraging.

Third Point: Suite life of Zack and Cody. Isn't that cute? They use the word "suite" as a substitute for the word "sweet," because they live in a hotel. How adorable… not! The boys are far from adorable, because they always either wreck the hotel in some way, or drive the owner-guy mad. If I was the owner-guy, I would've thrown them out already. They could come back for visits if they wanted, but if they messed up the hotel again… out goes the PG rating.

Fourth, fifth, and all other points: All those so called "original" TV shows that Disney keeps popping out like babies. Two words: Stop it! Life with Derek- stop it! Naturally Sadie- stop it! That other show that should be coming out in April-stop it! I have seen enough of the other shows to know when I've had enough. But you know what? I just love how they always say the word "original." It's original all right… originally crappy.

To tell you the truth, I don't even watch Disney channel anymore. I used to, but now…

And now, onto Cartoon Network…

First point: Ben 10. Number one, why does this title have to rhyme? Number two, uh… dang it, out of ideas already. So much for my plan of having ten reasons on why this show sucks. Anyway, there's this one thing that kind of disappointed me. In the beginning, when they were showing previews for this show (previews where Ben didn't talk), he looked like a deep-voiced teen with a problem or somethin.' After watching an episode, I found out that he isn't a deep voiced dude with a problem. So much for my dreams… not that I'm gay or anything.

Second point: Code Lyoko. Why don't they just tell their parents and everyone else what they're doing? It's not like they're superheroes or something! I mean, superheroes don't tell their parents in case the evil dudes find out who they are or where they go. Too late for that! In this show, this Xana guy already knows everything! If they just told everyone the truth, it would make their lives easier! Sure, they're parents might try to stop them, but they could always say that they've done it before and lived. Then, they might get grounded… but they can always say that if they don't go to that world thingy, then the whole word will be destroyed and blah, blah, blah…

Third point: Robot boy. Don't like it. That's all there is to say.

Fourth point: Foster's Home for Imaginary friends. If they're imaginary friends, how come we can see them? If everyone can see them, then they aren't imaginary friends!

Fifth point: Krypto the super dog. This show is an embarrassment to the old comics. Krypto and his owner are stupid. End of story.

Well, that's all there is to say about Cartoon Network. That's all there is to say about Disney too. Hopefully, there won't be anymore stupid cartoon making. Here's a message to all TV show makers out there: Before you send those ideas of yours over the air waves, please, think it through CAREFULLY.

**End**

_Well, that's it. The next chappie. If ya'll have any other ideas, just send 'em in. I forgot all of 'em after they were deleted. Reviews are appreciated. Be sure to leave one on your way out._

_R&R pleez! Reviewers get ice cream! _


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: Okay… so the last rant wasn't as good as the last two… but I'm (or at least Spongebob is) back! _

_You might not get some points in the points unless you know the song lyrics. If you don't know where to find it, ask me in your review for the songs, and I'll send you a link._

_On wit da story!_

**Spongebob's Rant**

Greetings fellow "me" lovers. I have called you all here for a very important topic. This is no joking matter… well, actually, it is, but it just sounds more serious that way. Anyway, a group of kids are running around doing horrible things to music. They are changing lyrics to fit the PG rating, and messing up our most favorite songs. These horrible music disgracers are known as:

**THE KIDZ BOP GROUP**

Now, as you all know, Kidz Bop is nothing but a group of preppy kids who think they can sing. What's so wrong with this, you may ask? I mean, some of your kids have been in a talent show, and may have sung some of these songs. Of course, your children could sing, and even they didn't get a record album; these kids did. But, of course, I'll have to explain to you all of why this is so terribly, horribly wrong…

My first point: Gorillaz lovers, pack your torches and pitchforks, 'cuz they sang "Feel Good Inc." Upon hearing this version of the song, I tried to drown myself in my own tears. Of course, I couldn't do this, because I live underwater and, of course, tears are water. But hey, it wasn't all that bad… I mean, instead of trying to blind myself like I do whenever I watch Nick Jr., this time I tried to make myself deaf. The rapping was HORRIBLE; who told these kids that they could rap? And the laughing part sent chills up where my spine would be if I had bones; but they weren't chills of fear like when I heard the original version. They were chills of PURE UNADULTERATED HORROR that they were actually singing this song. Did you guys notice that in the "windmill" part, they sing the wrong lyrics? This is a tragedy in the history of all songs.

My second point: Obsession. Hello? This song is about sex and other temptations! How the hell can a parent let these kids sing this?

My third point: She will be loved. This is a beautiful song… until, of course, little boys try to hit the high notes. You can turn this song as low as the volume can go, and you can STILL hear the high notes! And what do you guys know about love? Ya'll still think that bothering a girl will get her to love you!

My fourth point: Green Day lovers, be very afraid… because they sang "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." This song (the original version) is supposed to be surprisingly depressing, yet touching at the same time. These kids make it sound like the Boulevard is a party! I mean, it's like you don't even notice the Broken Dreams anymore. They turn the Broken Dreams into "Hey, don't worry; we can turn these broken dreams into fixed ones!" dreams.

My fifth point: My boo. Okay, I will say this a simple as possible… YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO "ROCK." YOU DID NOT GET YOUR FIRST KISS YET. YOU DO NOT HAVE A "BOO." I mean, you guys can't even get into PG movies without them looking at your ID card.

My sixth point: Usher, winner of the Kids Choice Awards, Vibe Awards, Grammies, and many other awards, has had his song "Caught Up" butchered by the Kidz bop group. Usher sings most of the song. The only things the kids do mostly are shout the words "Caught Up!" I can't tell if the lack of singing is for better or for worse.

My seventh point: We belong together. Only one thing to say; they left because they hate your singing.

My eight point: Yellow Submarine. This song is already hella annoying if you listen to it long enough… but it was okay until these kids sang it. But, the annoying thing isn't the point, nor is the point that they sing this song. The main point is, THEY MESSED WITH THE BEATLES!

My ninth point: I AM OUTRAGED! They messed with a classic! When I was just a little sponge, my mama introduced me to the song "Stand by me." This is it. I was angry at all the other ones, but when they mess with classics, I get mad.

My tenth point: Hell no! They messed with the Black Eyed Peas! Now, we all know the song "Let's get it started." I mean, it's a favorite… or at least, it used to be. But, after all the lyric changing they do, I'm surprised they let them say "stupid."

My eleventh point: Lose my breath. Not only did they mess with the lyrics, they messed with the overall music.

My twelfth point: Jenny from the block. Yo, where's the "From the Bronx!" part? I mean, there ain't a Jenny from the block unless there's a Bronx.

My thirteenth point: (Don't worry, this is the last one) Invisible. If I was invisible, I'd beat all these guys in their sleep. Here the kids are, changing the lyrics to make the things about drugs, violence, and other stuff more kid-friendly, but here they are, singing a song made for stalkers. If someone ever told me "I wish I was a fly so I could watch you in your room", I would chop them up into sushi and feed them to the sharks. Do they even listen to the lyrics?

There are so many other songs they did, it's not even funny. Kidz Bop has got to be the worst cd ever made. And you know what? No matter how hard we keep complaining, they keep coming out with new albums! Most of the time, it's not even the kids singing it; they have adults trying to… "help" them along. Good idea, 'cuz they need all the help they can get. And another things, the incorrect spelling of "kids" to make it seem cool? It's not cool, so stop trying. Here's a note to all you kids: the next time you THINK you can sing (key word here is "think" go over to Simon from American Idol. He'll set you guys straight. There's only one more thing I have to say: If they EVER mess with the song "Ocean Rock" (The song from the Spongebob movie soundtrack), they shall PERISH!... And now, I'm off to the Krusty Krab.

**End**

_So, that's it. What did ya think? Please, no flames, and if you do leave a bad review, at least tell me how to get better or something._

_And for all you retards who want to put "If you hate Kidz Bop so much, why did you listen to the music?" I've got something for you: If you hate this story so much, why are you reading it?_

_R&R pleez!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: That's right folks… I'm back! Now, I know most of ya'll are all just waiting for me to do movies… but there aren't' enough movies out there that are stupid enough to make fun of… not enough that I've seen and/or enough to make a good chappie._

_So, today, I'll (or at least Spongebob) will be making fun of something just about EVERYBODY should know about. Well, actually, these "something's" are not something's. They… are people. These people are all over and it's gonna be hard for Spongebob to joke these people without being interrupted by me because… (sniffle)… I'm classified as one of these people! So…_

_On wit da story!_

**Spongebob's Rant**

They're here. They're there. They're everywhere. You see them at school, at the mall, and on websites such as Your friend might be one, your sister might be one, heck, even you might be one. They're torturing hot cartoon guys all over the world. They are…

**THE DREADED FANGIRLS.**

Now, after seeing all these fangirls all over the place, I don't know why I don't have any fangirls. I mean, what do those guys have that I don't? I'm hip! I'm cool! I may not be muscular, but believe me, I'm working on it! So, the only thing to do is make fun of the cartoons and their fangirls because it'll make me feel better. I can't understand why those people like them anyway…

First point: Kakashi fangirls. Ah yes, Hatake Kakashi. The guy with the implanted sharingan and a mask to match. (Continues on despite the protests by fangirls and the author.) First of all, why is this guy running around with a porn novel in his hand? Can't you imagine all the scarred little kids when they found out that the book he had wasn't a fairy tale book… well, it probably did contain fairy tale characters, but they were doing a whole lot more than rescuing the princesses… Second of all, what is up with this guy and his gray hair? (From a distance, you here cries of "It's not gray, it's silver!) The only fish I know with gray hair in bikini bottom are all grandpas, grandmas, or just plain _old. _And third of all, _take that damn mask off! _In the summer, it is hot as Hades outside, and you're wearing that mask as if it comes with its own personal air conditioner! You know what, he's probably wearing that mask because he doesn't want to blow us all away by the ugliness that lies underneath! (Author: Or he doesn't wanna blow us all away by the extreme hotness that lies underneath…)

Second point: Sasuke fangirls. This is the guy who had his entire clan killed by his older brother, Itachi. (Author: Itachi also has fangirls too… drool) There's only one thing to say here. Look, I know your whole clan killed… and I know you've been through a lot of stressful moments… but if you don't lose that stank ass attitude of yours, I will personally go down there myself and slap that curse mark off you! (Author: But the attitude is what makes him cool…)

Third point: Gaara fangirls. Heh, I'm almost afraid to say anything for fear that he'll kill my ass. This is that guy with the big gourd of sand on his back. You know… the guy that goes around killing people? You've probably seen him on 'Sand Village's Most Wanted.' This guy threatened to take out his own brother! (Author: Mmm… psycho people…) Raccoon-eyed bastard… (Fangirls: Yeah, but… he's a hot raccoon-eyed bastard…)

Fourth point: Shang fangirls. Yeah, that's right… the general from Mulan. I have one thing to say to the fangirls… ha! Mulan got to him first!

Fifth point: Beast Boy fangirls. What the… that green guy from Teen Titans? One word: Ewwwwww!

Sixth point: Robin fangirls. You've seen him in Batman and Robin, and in Teen Titans, still wearing those tight ass pants. He's gone obsessive you guys, so don't try to get in a relationship with him; when you break up, he might just stalk you…

Seventh point: Harry Potter fangirls. Ha! This guy is all skinny and wimpy! And now, if you've read the stories, he needs some SERIOUS anger management… (Author: Aww, c'mon… leave poor Harry Potter alone…)

Eight point: Jim Hawkins fangirls. You know… the guy from Treasure Planet? This guy looks like an emo person…

Ninth point: Zuko fangirls. The guy with the huge scar with the obsessive nature of finding the avatar. Two words: the scar. Muscular and stuff, but still… the scar. And another thing, the guy who plays him, Dante Basco? He's about thirty-three years old or over! (Author: Sigh… it's true…)

Tenth point: Sokka fangirls. I could say that his name has the word "sock" in it, but that would win me no sympathy. I can, however, say that this guy would eat you out of house and home. And the animals don't seem to like him…

Eleventh point: Danny Phantom fangirls. Yes, the guy with the ghost powers. Jeez, what is up with these people making all these guys so skinny? Put some meat on their bones or somethin'!

Twelfth point: Axel fangirls. Yes, the guy from Kingdom Hearts two. (Author: drool) The guy with the red hair and markings under his eyes. And yes, he's the one making those rings of fire… took me just about forever to kick his ass in that one level… unfortunately, he has no heart, so he wouldn't like you back! Mwahaha! (Fangirls: Sigh…) I love being evil…

Thirteenth point: Riku fangirls. Let's just say that it's the same as Axel, only without the fire and the nobodies and the kicking his ass in that one level.

And finally, fourteenth point: Xemnas fangirls. (Author: spits out hot chocolate.) WHAT THE HELL? Xemnas? (Spongebob: looks through fangirl list) Is this even correct? (Author: Well, there are a choice few…) Aww man… I'm gonna go home and cry myself to sleep…

Well, that's it. Yeah sure, I'll probably be attacked by millions of angry fangirls in the morning… but the whole ranting thing was worth it. Maybe now I'll get some fangirls… or just get hit upside the head so much I'll imagine fangirls…

**End**

_So… how'd you like this chappie? Probably the only hypocritical rant there'll be. Remember… smart flames, not evil ones. _

_R&R pleez! (And messages may not be answered because my e-mail thing isn't letting me on…)_


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: Wow! My story has gotten close to three thousand hits, is on 20 of the favorite stories lists, on eight story alerts, and in one c2! This is awesome! Sure, I wrote the story… but you guys are the ones that reviewed! Thank you all! In fact, just because ya'll helped me get this far… there's a special surprise for ya'll at the end of the story… _

_In this rant, Spongebob will be going back to TV shows… but TV shows of WHOLE different category._

_On wit da story!_

**Spongebob's Rant**

Okay, so we all know our television categories, right? There's animated, anime, non-animated, documentary, courtroom, etc. Although some of us might not like one of these categories, we've all watched at least one show belonging to that category when we were bored. However, there's one category I didn't mention. One category that is, surprisingly, beginning to tick me off more than the 'children's show' category. That category is known as…

**Reality TV **

Yeah, yeah, we all know the very famous ones such as American Idol, Survivor, Supernanny, and Wife Swap. Some reality shows can also be put into the game show category. But what about the sucky ones that these TV companies are beginning to put out? (Some of the shows mentioned may be game shows.)

First point: Who wants to be a superhero? No, this isn't the question of a lifetime; this is actually a reality show name! This show follows a group of people who try to become superheroes! They wear tights, dress up in latex costumes, and hey! Maybe if the ratings are good, they'll let us create their superpowers! I remember watching this show because it sounded cool. Seriously, I thought Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy were gonna be on this show! I got Gary to pop some popcorn and everything! And then, as soon as I watched it, Gary threw the hot popcorn that had just come out of the microwave at me. In that episode, there was some guy going around seeing if the contestants' hearts were pure enough to be superheroes. Sigh… Look. They're HUMANS. If there was a five dollar bill and the winning lottery ticket on the ground, they aren't gonna say "oh look. Some unfortunate soul has dropped a golden opportunity. I think I will hunt down this poor soul, and give the person their ticket back." They're gonna keep the thing and buy a mansion with all the money they have! (Provided the person is absent minded and doesn't find out that they stole the ticket.) If one of the contestants saw a person drop one dollar, okay, maybe they'll return it to its owner. Five dollars, less of a chance, but there's still a chance. But one hundred dollars? Hell no. They'll pick up that money and TEAR DOWN THE STREET.

Second point: Last Comic Standing. Look, when we see a show with the word "Comic" in it, we expect either a book with cool action pictures, or some funny guy yelling funny phrases every few minutes. Unfortunately, this show was supposed to be based on the second option. This is supposed to be about a group of people who are competing to see who will get crowned as the funniest comic. There's only one problem. NONE OF THEIR JOKES ARE FUNNY. THEY ALL SUCK.

Third point: My fair Brady, we're getting married. Nobody cares. That's all there is to say.

Fourth point: My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé. Man, forget my kids' feelings. If I were a parent of the bride/groom/whatever, I would've beat up his/her fiancé and then asked my kid what the hell they were thinking.

Fifth point: Hey! Oh my god! This show is just like Supernanny! Maybe that's why they cancelled it! What? It wasn't cancelled? Dammit.

Sixth point: Outback Jack. Where a group of women all compete for the affections of an Aussie. Hmm. Oh, what? You wanna know why you've probably never seen it? Well, that's probably because IT WAS CANCELLED.

Seventh point: The player. Yeah, this was cancelled too. And, it's not "player", it's "playa." I may be a dork, but I least I know my gangsta terms!

Eighth point: Who wants to marry my dad? Apparently no one, because this was cancelled too.

Ninth point: So You Think You Can Dance, America's Got Talent, and all other talent shows. Why don't these two just join together? Really! It'll be called "So You Think America's Got Talent." Pretty awesome, huh?

Tenth point: Dancing with the Stars: I am so SICK AND TIRED of seeing all these DAMN CELEBRITIES on TV! Half the "stars" you see on this show, you don't even remember! And since I'm speaking about celebrities, let me just get this off my chest… (Deep breath.)

I DON'T CARE IF TOM CRUISE HAD HIS BABY BORN BACKWARDS.

I DON'T CARE IF JADA PINKETT SMITH VISTIS THEIR BABY.

I DON'T CARE IF HILARY DUFF WORE PINK TO AN ALL BLUE PARTY.

So shut up already.

Eleventh point: Countdown to Lockdown. This shows Lil' Kim's days until she goes to jail. Wow… if they didn't base it on one person, this could've been awesome! But wait… they already have a show based on that… and it's called "Cops."

C'mon you guys. Stop making all these crappy reality shows. You're just disgracing all the other good shows. Like Hell's kitchen. Sure, that chef guy just makes me wanna jump in the TV and kick his ass, but it gives the viewers delight in watching the people get tortured by some angry guy. I mean… you never know when something cool is gonna happen! Maybe in the next episode, that guy will turn into the Incredible Hulk! That would be AWESOME!

**End**

_So… how'd you like it? I have this horrible feeling that it'll be sucky like that Cartoon Network and Disney Rant I did. Reviews are really appreciated… especially when they'll help me pick the next topic…_

**That's Right Folks. You get to help me pick the next topic. Depending on how many votes the topic gets, it'll be written into a full blown rant!**

**So… which one do ya'll want me to rant about next?**

**Reviewers (Examples: Flamers, Leet speakers, etc…)**

**Or**

**Commercial Types. (You know… types of commercials you see on TV… Sigh, fine… I'll be making fun of depression commercials and Viagra type ones…)**

_That's it ya'll! And no flames! Flames will be used as an example in the Reviewer rant, if chosen to be the next rant. _

_R&R pleez!_


	8. READ THIS

**Sorry you guys**

**People have been reviewing me telling me that this story isn't a fan fiction; it's a rant, blah, blah, blah…**

**Thanx for that. Or at least, thanx for all those who told me nicely. People like Kijuro: (Learn to rant faggot) and Voltaire Drollery (Whose review contains a whole bunch of stuff I can't even type here) didn't help at all. But, I'm not stooping down to their level and cussing back at them. I was considering flipping them off and yelling at them in this review thingy, but that wouldn't make matters better.**

**For the reviewers like Lady Jane Doe and Minnie the Minx who actually said it in a polite way, thank you greatly instead of yelling "OMGWTF THIS ISN'T FANFICTION YOU HAVE RAPED SPONGEBOB!" They even told me how to get a live journal. Ain't that nice?**

**Now, I was going to get a live journal, and make it my homepage so ya'll can continue reading. **

**UNFORTUNATELY…**

**I can't do that, because I'm under the age of thirteen, and it requires to have my parents put in their credit card number. They're very strict about that type of stuff, so of course…**

**Well then, until next year and until I get a new e-mail address…**

**See ya'll.**

**Aqua Aussie **


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